i miss posting “recipes” here ….
so, in yet another hopeful attempt to try to take care of myself, i send these humble instructions —-
HOW TO MAKE A SALAD
step one -
wake up in a confusing struggle of half consciousness at some early hour, brush teeth quickly and forcefully to avoid being late, rinse with mouth wash, smoke two half-cigarettes because you have been too cheap to buy real cigarettes that are not just leftovers, and THEN go to the dentist where they will tell you that you have receeding gums because you brush your teeth too quickly and too forcefully.
step two -
get back from dentist, eat caviar, take a shower.
step thwee -
take a nap with sickly geriatric cat.
step four -
wake up and stumble over the random objects on your floor in a bathrobe and chainsmoke some.
step five -
experience sudden mental unhingement at the thought of all the things you have to do which you have no desire or seeming ability to even attempt doing.
step six -
sit on the couch for a while and talk to said cat.
step seven -
turn tv on for white noise, real low. park ass in front of computer and then surf the internet a long time. start twitching because you’ve been alone for too many hours in a row, and then go back to chainsmoking.
step eight -
listen to this American life episode about suicide and contemplate the phrase “failure to thrive” for an exceedingly long time.
step nine -
stand up, fed up, and declare FUCK THIS SHIT I WILL LEARN TO THRIVE. I AM MAKING A FUCKING SALAD RIGHT FUCKING NOW. (it should be approximately 11 pm at this point)
step ten -
make a salad.
For my salad, I used romaine lettuce, weird sweet red peppers called “ancient red peppers” or something, spring onions, chick peas, super spicy pepper-jack cheese, and a piece of stale bread for “croutons.”
cheers, eaters.
